Hair today, gone tomorrow

My hair removal story began when I hit high school. My mom told me that she was not going to buy me a razor, instead I was to come with her and my sister to the beautician to get the hot wax treatment. I wasn’t too fussed. I’m pretty fair so my leg hair was blonde and not all that visible back then. But after about a decade of removing this stuff from my body (that inevitably comes back) I’ve moved onto a few other methods besides waxing *

Shaving

venus-razor

I am super low maintenance. Actually that is a euphemism for how lazy I am. I am so lazy I would truly rather have hairy legs than shave every single day of my life. I can also stay lazy because I don’t maintain a forest that needs to be hacked at every 24hrs. I do own a razor, I’ve probably bought about 10 blades in my life. I sometimes shave (mostly my underarms rather than legs) because it is a quick and painless way of removing hair, which is why it is probably the most popular method. A razor also gives me the smoothest results. So sometimes if it’s a super special occasion I’ll wax then shave the teeny tiny hairs I can’t pull out with the wax. Then I have legs as smooth as butter. Shaving is not my preference though, I actually try to avoid it. I can feel how much harder and thicker my hairs grow back after I do. You shave once, the hairs grow back twice. Like that creature from Hercules. It just seems like a losing battle that makes the situation worse.

My shaving theory. Image found here

My shaving theory. Image found here

Hair Removal Cream

veet-hair-removal

This is a great option for a multitasker. If you don’t have time, lather some on in the shower and remove after a couple of minutes. I think this method is great for people who suffer the agony of ingrown hairs, which is why it’s popular amongst men. Imagine ingrown chest hairs >_<! I’ve tried this method before, it works well and is practically painless. You just have to make sure to get it all off in time before it burns your skin. But just like shaving it breaks the hair shaft and removes the body as opposed to removing the root. So the re-growth is just the same as shaving, if not slightly less “hard” or thick. Right now I make use of hair removal creams to unclog shower/bath drains that have filled up with hair. So clever right?!

Bleaching 

little britain bleach moustache

Us ladies have to do lady things. Because we are ladies you see!

I’m blonde. My body hair is light. This is a blessing and a curse. You can’t see my sideburns or toe hair but my brow ends don’t have a lot of pigment either. I love a naturally defined  brow. Jeez there is nothing more beautiful, and I’ll never have that. But I’ll never have to bleach my moustache either. I’ve had some friends who have waxed theirs, but with waxing you kinda have to let it grow out a few millimeters before you can remove it. So you’ll be walking around with a 5 o’clock shadow above your top lip until it’s ready. Shaving is obviously not an option (see Hercules reference) and I don’t think the chemicals used in hair removal creams are safe for delicate facial skin which is why there aren’t any of those types of products on the market. Laser hair removal is an option, however if your skin is very dark the little burn marks can blister and scar the skin so sometimes it can’t be done. So that leaves you with bleaching. I’ve never gone there before. I’ve seen it though. Even on a blonde chick. You stand in the light and it’s a Twilight situation, that shit is gonna be seen for miles. But it is still an option nonetheless.

Waxing Strips vs Hot Wax

veet-wax-strips

Like I said earlier, hot waxing was all I knew for a couple of years. I guess that’s why I didn’t venture into the less painful options :P The pros about using hot wax is that it removes almost all of your hairs. The cons, you have to wait a couple of weeks for the hairs to grow out again and the obvious fact that it’s sore. I have a high pain threshold, but I can understand the pain factor to be seriously off putting. Some people can’t stand the idea of having to wait a few weeks to get rid of their hairiness either. In this case there are waxing strips. They are cold strips of cotton that have wax already applied on them. So you stick it onto your leg and pull just like you would with a hot wax application. I have been using these for around 6 years. They really work well if you use them correctly. But they do about an 85% job hot wax would. The biggest win about waxing is that over time your hair starts to thin out, lighten and the amount that is produced deteriorates. AND your hairs become softer. I’ve never had prickly cactus legs because I have primarily waxed.

Epilating

epilator

These babies require balls. I believe only a woman has the strength to use them. So maybe lus the balls and grow some boobies instead. Basically it’s a small machine with a roller that works like lots of little tweezers that pull each hair out individually. Kind of like waxing, but slower and with more cursing. I now have “evolved” to producing so few hairs I almost only exclusively use an epilator. As I am the world’s laziest groomer I use my epilator about once or twice a month. It’s a 100 times cleaner and more convenient than waxing and gives you the same result. But it is too ouchies for some. I deserve a medal for getting to this level in the game.

Laser

dr evil laser

Laser is the best option for those that want a permanent solution for unwanted hair. Using a beam of light (how very sci-fi) it targets the pigment in the skin which damages the follicle that produces the hair. So when I went in to have my first session I was told I couldn’t laser my leg hair because there wasn’t enough pigment for the laser light to target. So blonde bitches might struggle with this method of hair removal. My armpit hair, however, was dark enough so I’ve been going to a session about once every 3/4 months for over a year now. Some say it hurts, I personally find the pain laughable but you can definitely feel a zap stronger than others. Kinda feels like an elastic rubber band being snapped against your skin. Afterwards your underarm area feels slightly bruised. But if you can use an epilator I reckon you could probably handle getting pepper sprayed in the face too. So laser should be a breeze for you. And that is where your hair story will end as they will never… return… again.

* In this post I am only talking about removing leg and underarm hair. That is all. The feminist in me doesn’t believe in removing the carpet and after years of waxing my legs they are almost completely desensitized. Now does one really want to be desensitized in that area?

Good luck with your hairy situations,

Beth

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One comment

  1. HAHAHA, no one definitely does not want to desensitize THAT area.

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