Happy Friday readers!
Today I wanted to write about why I love make-up so much and why it’s important in my life. Smudged was started a little over 4 months ago and it’s been an amazing platform for me to voice my opinions on not only beauty and make-up products, but how and why I feel the way I do about them.
Make-up goes a little deeper for me, like many women AND men, than just a beauty product. It’s a creative outlet, it’s my war paint, and it’s a medium that can transform my attitude about myself. It’s fun and important to me but take it all away and I can still be who I am. I think that’s what defines whether a person is superficial or not. If you take away all their materialistic things are they still the same person? I often don’t wear any make-up. I am comfortable and happy with myself inside and out to walk around the shops sans make-up in a pair of tracky pants and unwashed hair. I also like to wear half of the MAC counter on my face and a pair of heels. I can do both because neither “looks” define me and both express who I am. I’m not going to feel apologetic for how I look completely barefaced, but I also don’t believe that I should be judged for how I can transform my appearance either.
Reflecting back to about a decade ago when I first got into make-up, I always remember feeling excited about when I would be old enough to pull off a great look. Always waiting to be old enough, to feel pretty enough, to attract positive attention without feeling ashamed about it. As a teen I always felt left out of the teenage fun I was supposed to be having. I never attracted guys, couldn’t get dates for my dances and felt deeply ashamed about how unattractive I was. At a time in your life when male attention seems to determine how beautiful you felt about yourself I felt pretty ugly for years! Watching all my friends enjoying time spent with boyfriends and new exciting loves made my self-esteem take a knock. Because I didn’t feel like a “pretty” girl I never ventured into the make-up, manicures and heels side of the grassier hills. I felt like mutton dressed up as lamb, not in the old sense, but in a way that because I wasn’t feminine looking I’d look like a fool wearing a dress.
So I embraced a more masculine look (because attempting to look pretty was just out of my league), chopped off my hair, wore my brother’s t-shirts and told myself to say a big fat fuck you to those who didn’t want me for my personality. I chose this route out of the resolution that if I couldn’t join them then I’d be something else. And it kept me happy and my self-esteem protected for a few years while I figured out that I needed courage to wear what I wanted.
Fast forward many, many years later, I had a moment in my life that gave some closure to the tubby teen who couldn’t get a date. I was working at college when my boyfriend came to visit. After he left the room all the girls looked at me and started clapping. To think that I had scored a guy in my life worthy of applause was like a big hug for the ugly girl inside me. The one who used to google whether it was normal to have never been kissed at 19, the one who gave herself weird hairstyles and got made fun of for it. Ah closure.
I once read an insert from Time magazine about how Hilary Duff had had a sudden dramatic weight-loss. I remember this because at the time we were kind of similar in age and I was in a transitional period in my life and what the author said really made sense to me. He wrote that the media had been making a big deal about how she was a little heavy and not looking all that attractive because of it and that in response to all the negative attention she dropped a drastic amount of weight. He went on to say that nobody can make you feel bad about yourself unless you give them your permission. So whenever I get a comment thrown in here and there about my red lipstick and glittery lids my big fuck you to them is to not give them permission to affect how I feel about myself. And I am a much happier person for it :)
Today the things I like are bronzers, falsies, maxi dresses AND STILL doc martens, skulls and black clothing. I have not lost or compromised who I am because I enjoy the aesthetic things in life. I am passionate about make-up but it does not make me a superficial person. As someone who’s into more of the fuller coverage, I often feel judged not on who I am but how much make-up I have on. You know that look people get while they silently think of how short you fall compared to Mother Teresa. Hey! Guess what? What you choose to wear externally does not determine whether you are a good or bad human being! I think having no tolerance towards those who own what they wear on their faces makes you a pretty crappy person actually.
But the real point I’m trying to make in this post is that make-up is make-up, wash it off and you are still the same person without it. And that haters are gonna hate. But you still need to love the things you are passionate about and enjoy them for the value they bring to your life.
Hope my little life lesson brought some of you a small amount of solace!
Enjoy your weekend,